It's NOT all plain sailing.......

I know I keep stressing to you that you need to keep a positive attitude, keep smiling, dont let the buggers beat you etc etc etc......well, believe me I do get my low days which unfortunately have been many. Constant pain from the aftermath is like sleep deprevation.....it takes it toll. Dont ever be ashamed of feeling like you cant do it anymore, the smile fades and just getting up in the morning is a struggle. It does pass but then tends to raise its ugly head every now and then. Its wierd, when you are really poorly, all you tend to do is live each day and hope each day brings rewards like...your bag hasnt leaked, you've put on a pound, you can tollerate the pain, you have been out for a walk or you have simply lived a day without any flashbacks or morbid thoughts. When you start to feel well again, feel yourself, feel like you really are getting somewhere, thats when its almost harder. I have feared walking out in the street in case i get run over, driving my car in case i get involved in an accident, every twinge or pain means a hospital visit or worse a stay!! and of course reflection. Thats the worse. When you feel well things like this blog with all the images hit home and hit home hard. There are times I forget this all happened, until i catch a glimpse of my scars....I havent updated this blog in ages as I have suffered the trauma of the flashbacks...the horrendous thoughts and total exhaustion from it all. Today is a good day. Today I feel alive and well. I live every day now, only worrying about today or being happy for today. I find this helps. Please let me know how you are coping.